When I was younger, my uncles would tell me about all the scary ghosts that were out to get me.
“Bloody Mary… Bloody Mary…,” they’d chant while I was trying to sleep. So I stopped looking in the mirror at night.
I was also afraid of dying, even though I was heavily religious and believed in going to Heaven.
The thought of no longer being around was uncomfortable for someone who had only just begun living. So I prayed every day for immortality.
Since then, I’ve moved on from my fear of ghosts living in my mirror and death’s eventual arrival onto things much more real and far scarier.
I’m afraid that I’m delusional and I’ll wake up to find that the person I thought I am simply isn’t me. Maybe I’m not that good of a person as I’d like to believe. Perhaps the flaws I thought I had sanded down years ago still haunt me today.
I’m scared that I will suddenly fall out of love with my work and travel back to square one. Is it possible to lose your passion for what you do without a warning? That’s not something I look forward to finding out.
I’m terrified that something someone says may rub me the wrong way and make me snap. I don’t know. Does that happen?
But you know what? Those fears aren’t going to bother me every day. I won’t let them. They’re not going to distract me from the good in my life and my attempts at improving myself.
Some common fears (in no particular order:)
Life’s too short. Life’s too long. Who cares?
You shouldn’t need to measure how long life is in order to adopt a “seize the day” mentality.
You’re scared of not being productive?
Make every day a good one by working on improving yourself daily.
Want others to love you?
Love yourself and others will love you too.
Save your fears for when you have time to ponder.
Fearing isn’t living.
Instead of spending every day afraid, you can use each day to grow. Work on self-confidence, happiness, or becoming a better communicator who doesn’t bottle up all his feelings.
Help someone else grow. Put their feelings before yours. Help them become better than the day you first met them.
This is a better use of your time.
Photo Credit: epsos.de
That is definitely one of the best ways to get things into perspective and conquer self doubt for sure. Really easy to lose that focus though, especially when you spend most of your days in front of a computer, haha.
Which is why it’s so important to TEAR yourself away from the screen whenever you can. I struggle with that myself some days. 🙂
Even when you have time to ponder you can drive yourself insane thinking and thinking (not that I would know at all… I.e. I do it all the time :p). Thinking causes anxiety, action cures it. The best thing we can do is figure out our fears, and find small steps to take to get over them everyday. The CBT stair stepping approach.
That, and repeating “no matter what I’ll handle it” until we believe it while making sure we take time for ourselves after facing the scary world 🙂
Though I definitely agree with you Vincent… Life wasn’t created to be spent in fear… That’s not living!
Agreed! Limit that time spent pondering to only in the shower. Your fear of running up the water bill will pull you out soon enough haha. 🙂
Even if it’s something small every day, growing one step at a time can most definitely help us with our fears, and way better than living a life of fear.
One step at a time is one step further!
Well put — fearing is not living.
That said, I’ve known a lot of people who uses their fears to push life beyond ordinary limits. In fact, David Blaine is a great example of somebody who uses his personal fears to push the envelope of human possibility.
People like that are extraordinary! One huge fear of mine has a nice name that’s getting pretty popular in the entrepreneurial space, impostor syndrome.
Check out Jason Cohen’s article on using your fear of being a fraud/impostor to push you to be better than you already are: http://blog.asmartbear.com/self-doubt-fraud.html
Good post. As several others have said here, harness the hell out of your fears and ride them to being successful. On the other hand, there are a number of good stories in the world about, “This too shall pass.” Like the ghosts in the mirror, you know better now. And, I can tell you that “falling out of love with your work” fear will also leave you. There are are other big fears down the road…that none of us knew when we were 20-ish. Own them all (past present future) or they own you….will always be true.
Sean, glad to see you here and thanks again for being on EF’s podcast.
I can’t wait to see what sort of fears are waiting for me a decade from now and how I eventually handle them.
Really Brilliant Vincent, extremely inspirational and heart-warming, keep it up mate and thank you!!!
Thanks, AJN! By the way, I’m checking out your site right now. How could I resist a Doctor Who-related website? 🙂
Love the topic, Vincent! It’s terrible how fear can really get in the way sometimes. I used to fear a lot of things myself, and then I realized that wasn’t any way to live. I’d rather do something I’m afraid of regardless of the outcome then have regrets later for not doing it. My mantra these days is “what’s the worst that could happen?”
Same here, Melissa! Aside from ghosts in the mirrors and death, I was afraid of doing anything at all! Being fine after you go finish something that you thought would be the end of the world opens your eyes a bit, doesn’t it?
It’s crazy how your perspective changes once you face a fear and beat it. You ask yourself why you were so afraid in the first place!
When you tackle your fears head on, you realise that they become more under control because you are too busy improving yourself or making a difference.
“Fear isn’t living.” ==> Absolutely 100%.
Right! You eventually knock those fears out by focusing your effort elsewhere, which may coincidentally help with your other fears. Hope that makes sense, haha!
It does. 🙂
Good thoughts, Vincent. If you know my story of being in a cult as a kid and living with paranoia as a young adult, you know I can relate. I agree that fear is not living. I’ve also found that accepting rather than resisting fear can be helpful.
I do know part of your story from what’s been mentioned on your blog, but I’ll admit I don’t know the whole of it (I’m sure most people don’t.)
Short and concrete.
Heh, as is your comment.
The easiest way to get away from fears is confront it. I always had those fears and would not do something thinking I might make a mistake or I might not be liked. I learned that thinking about it consciously and asking myself of the reason why I am doing it is enough for me to forget about those fears.
Another influence is the book “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”which I read only a few years ago -pretty late in my life. Hehe. Well – but not too late!
For some of us though, confronting it would be the worst thing in the world. We spend our entire lives trying to avoid that confrontation. Once you conquer one fear I think you can take on a “I can handle anything” mentality and start tackling others.
I go through phases of fearing the world, but I think we all do. I have battled some of my biggest fears and conquered them in the past, which at least gives me the confidence to know that I can do it again!
A good friend of mine would always remind me not to worry about things that aren’t sure to happen,like worrying that something bad would happen to my lovedones…. instead focus on something positive and just live life. I really like this post because i was able to relate to your feelings. Keep writing!