Exactly 10 articles ago, I held a discussion article called “Who Do You Want to Be in 2030,” which challenged the readers to join the comment section with their answer to my question. The discussion article question was well… The question was in the title.
That article hit triple digits in the comment section! It is the current owner of the most comments on Self Stairway at a cool 100 comments.
It seems to have gone really well so I’m going to be creating a discussion thread every 10 articles (which is every 10 weeks) where the focus will be on the comment section and the discussion it generates.
Last month, I wrote “6 Outrageous Lies You Believe About Achieving Success” and it generated some good discussion where people were voicing their opinions for or against my points. It was a more controversial topic so there were people in the comments that very tactfully disagreed with a few points, something that I was more than happy to see.
I’m not saying you have to read the entire article now, but I would suggest you read it for some ideas for this because this week’s question is:
What do you think is/are the biggest success myth(s)?
There are a lot of ideas out there and some get told as fact even when there is evidence against these ideas or there’s room for more out-of-the-box thinking. Success can be defined as many things so it’d be helpful if you can first start off with your definition of success.
Once you do that, expand on a myth that is often thrown about when discussing the ideas of achieving that level of success (using your definition.)
Success could be personal satisfaction, money, ownership of more tangible items, etc. If you really want to go textbook-style, Dictionary.com defines success as “the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like.”
It would be interesting to see what ideas you can come up with and feel free to talk about more than one myth.
Ideas for Your Answer
This could be something you hear repeated over and over without factual evidence or something you disagree with and you feel should be re-examined by the majority. It can be on internal or external influences, anything! Be creative in how you approach this question.
Now’s your chance to be controversial! If you don’t think kids should go to college then say so (but please expand on your reasoning.) Maybe you believe we should move to a system of bartering goods and throw all our money away. That’d be an interesting argument, but hey.
You can make a list, talk about one myth and expand with an essay, or you can just tell us what you believe is the biggest myth and let us chime in with our thoughts.
Share your answer in the comments and join in to add your thoughts on top of other people’s reply.
My Answers
I’ve already gone over my success myths (6 of them to be exact,) but I’ll recap for you some of the sayings that I dare call false. For review, my myths were: college is the ONLY path to success, you need goals and a BIG picture, it’s all about whom you know, success will change you, if you want it bad enough then success will come, and success will make you happy.
I expand on each point in “6 Outrageous Lies You Believe About Achieving Success.”
Share this article with people who you think may have great thoughts and even reach out to influencers that you’d like to hear from! Let them know this discussion is going on! Let’s break the last discussion’s record and get over 100 comments!
Note: I hope someone gets my “clever” caption under the image at the top of this article.
Photo Credit: Keith Ramsey (flickr)
Success: Living a self-determined life. Doing what you want, when you want, why you want.
Biggest myth: Success is about climbing your way up the corporate ladder.
There’s so much b.s. about success being flung about it’s hard not to end up with a little crap on your face. And one of the worst ideas commonly spread like gospel is the notion of going to college, getting your degree, and sucking up to one boss then another until finally you’re the top dog.
That’s life in a cage.
Success is about forging your own path and earning your own keep in this world. It’s the mindset that keeps you moving forward, even when it seems the world is trying to push you back. It’s being yourself for no other reason than because you’re totally awesome and you know it.
That’s success. And it’s rarely found in the boardroom.
Cheers!
Yeah, success is better found going through less conventional means and the corporate ladder definitely is the surefire way to dissatisfaction. Your definition of success is a great one and it makes me doubt people find that sort of success in life through living a corporate lifestyle. It makes me wonder what goes through people’s head when they think like that. Then again, it’s quite possible they don’t give it a thought and they just sort of naturally see it as the end all be all of human existence.
Vincent, I think in a lot of ways school has brainwashed us into thinking that climbing the corporate ladders IS the way to live.
As a result, some people CAN’T (and won’t) see any other way out.
I could see the school playing a large role in this widespread way of thinking, but it’s not 100% their fault. It’s more of the parents who are still fixated on the idea. Then again, you can argue that the parent’s school is the one that brainwashed the parents in the first place which only fuels a cycle.
I agree. Schools are only part of the equation. Another big factor is that most people see corporate ladder climbing as the normal way of life (most likely through exposure to their parents).
If that’s all they ever see, then of course climbing the ladder is going to seem normal compared to everything else.
I agree Vincent that the blame doesn’t lie solely at the feet of schools. There is a serious lack of real deep education in society as a whole that encourages deep thinking and puts people in a position to challenge the status quo and question what we are told. One must look at all areas of their life and their community and ask whether the people you are spending most of your time with are helping you to grow and flourish or are holding you back. This applies to friends, family, loved ones and work colleagues.
Let’s not forget that it takes a lot of courage and confidence to stand up and go against the crowd. And lets not pretend that it is always an easy thing to do. As someone who went down the traditional route for any a year ending up working for some of the worlds largest companies I still find that there is a strong anchor pulling me back in that direction. It is at the point where confidence is low and self doubt is high that the traditional philosophy of success rears its ugly head and teases you. Well that has been my own personal experience 🙂
The traditional way just seems safer because you constantly have people validating your decision, even when it’s a poisonous one. It often takes more macro-thinking to be able to get out of the trap and for sure others will scold you for it. It’s definitely terrifying to go against the stream when everyone else is booing at you. They think they know better but they don’t understand there are more approaches than one or two.
I think you hit upon it perfectly . . . people don’t think about it. They just go through the motions because that’s what they’ve been conditioned to do. Programmed, really.
School can teach us many things, but out of the box thinking is not one of them.
So people just can’t see it any other way. And when that path doesn’t feel right to them, when it doesn’t resonate, they become miserable bastards and can’t figure out why.
They never even realize they’re stuck. Living life by other peoples rules when they want to play a completely different game altogether.
It’s so sad.
Being successful to me means having the time freedom to do what I love and spend my days with the people I love.
This goes against the myth that being successful equals having lots of money and being wealthy. Sure, being wealthy is one sign of success. In fact, to have true time freedom, a person would need a certain level of wealth to sustain their lifestyle.
Sadly, I know too many people who focus on wealth alone as being the ONLY sign of success, and forget about everything else. Money makes your life easier up to a certain point. But after that, more money wouldn’t necessarily make you feel happier or more successful. In fact, endlessly going after more money will make a person miserable since there will never be enough.
To have true contentment (which in itself is another form of success), we all need to have meaning in our lives beyond money.
That’s a great way of defining success, Ivan. Mine is pretty much like yours and Trevor. You would think, through this discussion, that the majority of the world views success the same way, but I rarely meet someone who views it like us.
That’s an interesting, point. I wonder if it’s because most people we come across in life are simply conditioned to think of success in traditional terms like money.
Or worse: maybe they actually do think like us but are afraid to admit it for fear of going against “the norm”.
For me, the 2 biggest myths about success is that
1) You have to be born into success to become successful and that it will simply be served to you on a plate.
– I’ve met hardly anyone who got to where they were by shear fluke. They had to put in a tremendous amount of effort in order to get to where they are. The people that were successful by way of a successful family either became drug addicts or spunked all of their cash into gambling and unnecessary toys due to not understanding the value of what they have.
– The person you become along the way towards success is far more valuable than the actual destination.
2) You have to work hard to be successful
– Yes hard work is important, but if you spend it doing all the wrong things, you will never achieve success.
– Success comes from following and modelling successful processes from other successful people and then crushing it until you get the same results.
Love your quote: “The person you become along the way towards success is far more valuable than the actual destination.”
I totally agree with that, Ivan.
Your last point brings up something interesting. It’s similar to the idea of “Work smarter, not harder.” Why put all your energy sitting around trying to find the golden equation to success all on your own? Take a look at the people who are on the top, people you look up to and begin to break down what they’re doing. Imitate then, improve where you think they could’ve down better, and add your own unique spin on it.
For example, my growing of this blog wasn’t because I’m some genius who sat down and saw the answers. Hell no! I looked at what people who were at the top did and I researched like CRAZY. Then I executed and it paid off. Success can come a lot easier if you learn to learn.
Success is in the everyday conviction to complete a process.
Would you say that’s the myth or is that your belief?
I like that!
One of the biggest success myths, I think, is the incidence of “unlikely” success stories. We hear all about the billionaire high school dropouts, but rarely hear about the norm, which is the high school dropouts who now work awful hours at minimum wage.
My response to that is we often hear statistics about the average of how much college students make more than the average non-college going student, but we rarely hear about the norm, the unemployed college graduate buried in college debt.
Both paths have its risk, going to college and not going to college, but you have to weigh them both and think about whether or not you should go to college.
Myth: Success is about doing whatever you want.
It sounds great, but it is not possible and it is not a good idea. Greatness comes from being able to create something marvelous within the limits of constraints. And so does success. Success only exists within the context of failures and limits. When we see someone overcome or use limits to their advantage, we scream success. When Bach composes a fugue in 8 parts using only quarter notes, half notes, voices and two keys, we learn the meaning of success.
Loving your discussion posts, V!!! You have some wonderful offerings I can see form other readers too!!! Coolio!
Uh oh! Looks like you are going to have to fight Ivan and Trevor! Oh and me. 🙂
You may have to narrow down a bit more on your myth because I’m not sure if you’re attacking the idea of success being the freedom to be able to do whatever you want. I’m assuming that is what you mean.
I suppose you are correct that success does require context because it’s like the whole what is light without darkness thing, or whatever it is.
Vincent! Sir Jolly is a man of peace, panache, class, and a bevy of grammar and spelling errors. Please allow me to explain. Read Trevor’s comment.
Just kidding. He does go to the heart of what I am saying though. We cannot literally do what we want without consequences. Hell, we cannot do anything without consequences. So within the limits of what is possible, we navigate these nagging constraints which of course become a joy and a challenge and bring greater heft to our art and our thoughts. So success may not be doing whatever we want, but doing as much as we can of what we want within the context of many constraints. Now, I hope I’ve muddled that up enough for everyone. Always a pleasure to be on your site, V!
Ah, I see what you are saying now. Well then, it looks like you’ve avoided bloodshed today. 🙂
Thank goodness! I had night terrors of you, Trevor and Ivan shimmying up the side of our home and smashing through the bedroom window at 3am to make me eat a bagels and locks!!!
You just picked a fight with the wrong crew. You’re going down now.
Nah, I’m just foolin’ ya.
But seriously, “doing whatever you want” isn’t to be taken literally. Like you say, that’s impossible. And it’s not to be thought of as stepping on whoever you want whenever you want. Pissing on those you see as beneath you.
It means making the choices that lead you to become the person you want to be. Living life on your terms and making no apologies for it.
How can that be anything other than success?
Well said, Trevor.
Nicely said. Thanks Vincent.
Congrats, Vincent! Keep doing what you are doing! The biggest success myth is the lie we tell ourselves that others had something “lucky” or “special” or someone did it for them as an excuse as to why we might not be successful yet.
Oh man, how did I miss that? That’s what gets me upset the most. Not only are people making excuses, but they’re discrediting the hard work that others had to put in. Sure, some people do get lucky and all that nonsense, but it’s not impossible to imitate. Like what we were saying in earlier comments, you can find the ones who made it work, imitate them, and improve on what they did.
Bryan, you’re so spot on here. I think the idea that you have to be lucky or special is directly aligned with the idea that you have to just wait for the perfect moment. Because good things come to people who wait, right?
I will not deny that there are some who are advantaged. They have the money. Connections. Phone numbers. Experience. But regardless of whether or not you resources, being success boils down to defining what that is for you, the ability to be valiant, have courage, and be brave as you embark on the hero’s journey.
There is never going to be the perfect moment or some in-your-face epiphany moment. I waited so long for a light bulb to pop above my head, the planets to align, and a key would fall into my hand from the sky. It would unlock everything I needed to know and grant me access to everything I needed.
The time I spent waiting for the perfect person, opportunity, time, or indicator, was time that should have been spent *doing* – not wishing, hoping, and dreaming.
It’s all about taking the initiative, the first step. I used to be the guy who waited and it SUCKED. I got nothing, I had nothing, and I was nothing. I learned to take the first step and always get what I wanted by going out and freaking getting it. Success doesn’t actively look for people to enter their lives for them.
So true Bryan! It’s all to easy to blame others success on luck. It gives us a convenient excuse for our own lack of results. And provides little cause to attempt anything greater.
But luck has little to do with success, because the truth about success is that it is a mindset. Whether you show the trappings of success or not is irrelevant. If you possess the right mindset you are successful regardless.
And that mindset IS trainable. So long as we’re willing to do the work.
Cheers!
To me success is a concept similar to perfection. It’s ultimately a construct, something living in our imaginations that we don’t really live up to since it can’t quite be distilled into reality. Mostly what we call success is a combination of validations from others and ourselves. But when you start pulling back these layers of what others tell you success is and what your brain responds to neurochemically, you find that there’s nothing really there at all.
That said, I get trapped in the success black hole more than I’d like, especially at work. However, I’ve found the more I just focus on the present moment and doing my best the more “success” I have.
Breaking down that belief is pretty hard, isn’t it, Jeff? We all want validation from others and it’s hard to get out of that mindset at first. I still seek validation daily, but nowadays I am much better at trying to stop feeding my ego. The only thing that happens when I try to get validation is either A) get validation and move on to seek the next wave of validation, or B) feel disappointed because I’m not being praised.
Hey, Vince. Thank you for that tip on “wanting validation.” I’ve been dealing with criticisms lately. What you said was an eye-opener, at least for me. Thanks again!
I enjoyed reading everyone’s definition of success, and generally agree with all of them. This is a great discussion, Vince!
I don’t mean to sound super-spiritual, but success for me is finding and fulfilling God’s purpose for my life and becoming the person God wants me to be. I know, not everyone here believes in God, and I respect that. But you asked what success meant for me.
The biggest myth about success that I believe is that success is the opposite of contentment. That having a simple, contented life means someone isn’t successful.
We’ve made to believe that contentment is only achieved when we stop striving, when we become mediocre and settle for less. But simplicity and contentment is not mediocrity. It is not settling for less, but having and doing less – to focus and simplify and make room for activities that are aligned to our values for a meaningful, impactful, and purposeful life.
It’s possible to be content by what we have now, but not satisfied by what we can become. I believe success is an endless process of learning and getting better.
Thanks again, Vince! Blessings, everyone!
Sorry, Vince… I posted this response as a reply to your comment. This is supposed to be my response to the question (discussion).
I’m with you on that, Jeff. It’s like perfection. We’re always trying to learn and get better. Perhaps, until the day we die.
My definition of success: When you can wake up every morning and smile.
Success myth: Being married, having a house, a car or three, 2.2 kids, and a beach house.
Good one, Tammy! Now there’s a definition I can definitely agree to. Whoa, 2.2 kids?!
Success myth: we can achieve success through a formula. In reality, there are probably thousands of factors which contribute to an individual’s success, and there are plenty of reasons why multilevel marketing is a bad business investment.
You’ve definitely got it right when you say there are thousands of factors. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s millions of tiny factors that add into the equation. Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell is a very interesting book that explores the factors that’re usually outside of people’s control. Age, environment, and the like are talked about.
My definition of success is similar to a lot other people in this discussion – Do things you enjoy, set your own schedule and wake up every morning not because of an alarm, but because you are excited to start your day.
The biggest success myth is definitely the “suit and tie” way of living. You see these guys and gals. They strut around town in their fancy tailored suits and everyone thinks that they are the shit. The people who run the world, make a lot of money and are happier than everyone else.
Although I like suits and some of them might be truly happy, I think making a blanket statement about these fancy-dressed people is bullshit. I often see these people and think what they must feel in their gut. Is it emptiness, regret or genuine fulfillment? Everyone is different and it’s a conscious awareness of this myth that allows me to keep moving forward with my own definition of success.
I’m a big fan of a well-tailored suit myself, but I see your point, Kevin. Goes back to Trevor’s ball-busting hammer on the corporate ladder myth. Is that really what success looks like? Modern day success is more casual and relaxing. In fact, success looks like anything nowadays and it’s not just the guys on Wall Street.
I think you nailed it Kevin. Success for some is simply a show. A nice suit. A flashy car. A trophy wife and a not-so-secret mistress on the side.
But it’s superficial bullshit.
Real success comes from within. It comes from living your life in accordance with your own true nature. No amount of flash or show can provide that. Only self-determination.
Cheers!
My definition of success = enjoying your journey, feeling fulfilled & vital in what you’re doing. But I did read another “just do what you love to do” article this morning, and ‘doing what you love’ isn’t the whole truth. Often we have to do the things we don’t feel like doing right then b/c those things pay the bills and move you toward your dream.
FYM, I am soooo agreeing with you on this one.
I love to write. Now, how feasible is it for me to sit here and tap, tap, tap all day long? It doesn’t pay my debt off. In fact, if I were to do just that, I would stress myself out even further.
It is possible to “pay the bills” and enjoy life too. I do not condone complacency – was there for too long myself – but there has to be happiness and fun in your every day life. I would hate for someone to bemoan their current situation just because they aren’t living the dream. Life is for living!
You can definitely get into freelance writing to make money on the side! They can very easily make over $100 for short-ish articles at the amateur level. 🙂
It’s a great idea to start a little something on the side. I know I have the luxury of not having to worry about paying bills myself, so I was able to create Self Stairway on the side while I attended school. Hell, even though I didn’t monetize Self Stairway directly, it’s led to me making a lot of extra money on the side indirectly.
(Oooopppssss! I pasted my response in a reply to you comment, Vince! Sorry!)
I enjoyed reading everyone’s definition of success, and generally agree with all of them. This is a great discussion, Vince!
I don’t mean to sound super-spiritual, but success for me is finding and fulfilling God’s purpose for my life and becoming the person God wants me to be. I know, not everyone here believes in God, and I respect that. But you asked what success meant for me.
The biggest myth about success that I believe is that success is the opposite of contentment. That having a simple, contented life means someone isn’t successful.
We’ve made to believe that contentment is only achieved when we stop striving, when we become mediocre and settle for less. But simplicity and contentment is not mediocrity. It is not settling for less, but having and doing less – to focus and simplify and make room for activities that are aligned to our values for a meaningful, impactful, and purposeful life.
It’s possible to be content by what we have now, but not satisfied by what we can become. I believe success is an endless process of learning and getting better.
Thanks again, Vince! Blessings, everyone!
Read more: What Do You Think Are the Biggest Success Myths? [Discussion] – Self Stairway
“I believe success is an endless process of learning and getting better.”
That’s a great way to end it, Raymund. I can’t say I’ve ever met anyone who believed that success is the opposite of contentment, but I see what you mean.
Myths…we have to do work we hate for 30 years waiting to retire; that we have to make a certain amount of $ to be successful; that money is the definition of success; that work is suppose to suck; that you have to wait to be successful
Ah, I absolutely hate that myth, Tom. When my family goes off to work and I say “Have fun!” I mean it. They usually laugh because they look at work as something they have to do. Granted they’re in jobs that they chose for financial reasons instead of for passion and it seems crazy to me that you would want to prioritize like that. I can’t even stay satisfied with doing the same work for several months. I need variety! I’m still trying to narrow in on what I would be happy with doing for a long time.
The biggest myth about success is the fact that it happens overnight. Success or anything that matters is going to come after lots of hard work and over a period of time.
An example is the movie montages – change seems to come incredibly fast. Directors do it this way because the change comes to slowly to viewers otherwise.
The main factor that keeps this misconception going is:
Marketers that make their items out to be the be-all-end-all. A popular example is “X item will make you lose THIRTY LBS in THIRTY DAYS.” Basically something that takes out all the effort, gives all the reward, and in a short time span.
Most people I know understand the time it takes to be successful but I don’t understand the importance of the work that gets put into it. It seems crazy but that’s just the way a lot of people think. Time passing? Oh good, I’m on my way to success.
Hey Vincent! its an wonderful topic for discussion.
Success to me is achieving some goal that I have set for myself and by myself not by my parent or anybody. Success is to live life the way I like not others. But ofcourse this does not mean to do anything!
I believe the MYTH about success is that you have to follow some successful person to be one. This we generally hear from our elders every time. Why I always have to follow? I can make my own path to follow to achieve the goal that I feel will make me successful. I may not have huge bank balance or a big car like that so called successful person but I have achieved some other thing that was a dream for me.
Thank you
I believe there’s some truth to following successful people, but that doesn’t mean to live in their shadow or imitate them 100%. Why do all the hard and heavy lifting when these guys have already done it? Take what they did well and improve on it, internalize the characteristics you admire. I’m a big believer in learning from others so analyzing what worked for others is a great way to become successful (however you may define it.)
Some elders tell us to follow some successful person blindly to be great. Like your brother used to study 10 hrs a day before board exam and he was a topper so you have to do that. That is crap! My objection is there. Yes one can always learn from others to make his new path. Otherwise why the great quotes from great people are there to follow! Hope I made my point clear 🙂
Ahh, I see what you mean. You’re talking about others expecting you to follow someone through comparing you to their accomplishments. Yeah, that is a completely different story and it’s terrible when others force their views.
Hi Vincent!
Success for me is being a positive influential figure in one way or another. Money is nice, comfort is nice, a waterfront mansion is nice – but would it make me happy? Maybe for a week or two. Immaterial success is what we should chase. Memories, actions, influence – that’s what I measure by.
Cheers!
I find it hard sometimes to keep myself satisfied even with the intangible, but you’re right that they have much more value to us than the tangible.
I heard someone say recently that the biggest mistake people make in trying to “achieve” something is to compare their “behind-the-scenes” to other people’s “highlight reels.” It can be easy to do. I think one of the biggest success myths is that it in fact comes from the books of the successful. True, there are always nuggets of truth in those books, but the bigger picture is usually in the fact that those successful people have trained you to buy their books in the first place.
This may sound judgmental – I don’t mean it that way. I think it’s more about realizing that what led them to their success was their ability to hone in on who they really were and utilize those best features. In other words, rather than just try to model everything the success players have done, learn how to adapt techniques to your own personality. Use your own gifts and let them shine through you.
Ah yes, Steve Furtick’s quote. I agree with you on the books. Many people read A LOT and they do one of two things. They either fail to internalize and move on to the next book, or they go to the other extreme and take 100% of the author’s words as absolute truth.
For example, I am a bit of a fan of Tim Ferriss, but I do realize he has a lot of bizarre ideas as well. Not because they’re different, but because he does make extraordinary claims with very little evidence. Not to say he doesn’t have many awesome truths that are true as well, but always keep your mind skeptical. Skeptical, but open as well.
The biggest myth about success is the fact that it happens overnight. Success or anything that matters is going to come after lots of hard work and over a period of time.
An example is the movie montages – change seems to come incredibly fast. Directors do it this way because the change comes to slowly to viewers otherwise.
The main factor that keeps this misconception going is:
Marketers that make their items out to be the be-all-end-all. A popular example is “X item will make you lose THIRTY LBS in THIRTY DAYS.” Basically something that takes out all the effort, gives all the reward, and in a short time span.
I posted in the right place this time !! 🙂
Great discussion.
I think a major myth about success is that we tend to belive that to achieve it, we must have strong willpower and unrelenting motivation. These things are important, and good for our chance of success too. But the worst thing about them is that they’re not reliable and not sustainable. We only have limited amount of willpower and motivation, if used up, it’ll be very hard to continue pressing on to do whatever needs to be done on the journey to success.
A better option is to cultivate great habits and form correct or successful philosophies and attitude, because these things are what truly drive and determine our level of success.
Those are interesting ideas, Harry. I think most people would argue that great habits do require willpower and motivation to begin with. What would you say to people who make that argument?
Yes, good habits do require willpower and motivation to start, and form, but once formed, they will be there supporting your goals on autopilot. If we look closely at the life most of successful people, it’s not always that they have super willpower and are motivated all the time, but more likely they have learn to master and lock in a few success inductive habits (including thought patterns and attitudes) that carry them all the way to their success.
I see what you’re saying, Harry. I think that is where I’m still lacking, building the habits. A lot of what I do is from pure willpower and motivation but that does run out as time stretches on. Thanks, Harry! You’ve given me a lot to think about. It really is a more efficient way now that I think about it.
Success is all luck. Seems a weird way of thinking, but I hear it so often. “You’re so lucky to travel the world; you’re so lucky to make money doings things you love; you’re so lucky to speak chinese; you’re so lucky to have your own apartment; you’re so lucky to be happy; you’re so lucky whatever”. Of course there’s a part of luck, there’s a part that is not controllable, but the rest is thinking, questioning, and acting. You don’t win lottery if you don’t buy a ticket.