There’s always pressure on me to act a certain way.
Running this website, talking about things like gratitude and happiness, I feel I always have to practice what I teach 24/7.
I should always be content. I should always be grateful for what I have. I should always make the right decisions or tackle my fears head-on.
But the truth is, I fall flat of my ideal self too.
Sometimes I lie in bed and wonder what gives me the right to tell people to be optimistic when there are often days where I want to do anything but?
I’m deathly scared of being called a hypocrite. A fraud.
I wonder what people think of me.
Days like these, I’m so drained that I don’t want to socialize. I’d rather sit in my corner of the coffee shop and focus on my laptop.
I have no idea what I’m doing most of the time. I didn’t know what I was doing when I was in high school or college. No idea what I was doing when I started this site or moved overseas.
But each and every time, I kept going. No matter how pointless things felt or how shitty my day was going, I kept putting one foot in front of the other. Kept breathing in and out all day.
I’ve done bad things. Things I thought I never would.
And I didn’t feel anywhere near as bad as I thought I would. Hey, I learned a little something about myself.
I know that I’m rambling a bit today. I’m hoping you read this and a lone sentence connects with you in a way nothing else ever has before.
Excuse me as I continue my rambling.
I’m going home soon and it terrifies me.
I’m scared of what my mom’s side of the family will say. I fear the questions they will ask and I know I can’t be straightforward in my answers because they’d never understand.
So I’ve been hiding away on the other side of the planet, postponing the interrogations that were bound to catch up with me.
All these thoughts are running through my mind on a near daily basis.
Whatever is going on through your head I want you to know that life can still be pretty amazing, regardless of what’s going on.
I’ve got thousands of worries and insecurities. They don’t stop me from enjoying myself though.
That’s the key. Let the thoughts be background noise if they really want to be. Just don’t let them control you.
Is it hypocritical because I just mentioned above that I stayed overseas to avoid uncomfortable conversations with half of my family about what I’m doing? Maybe. But perhaps I wanted to be out here anyway.
Life’s pretty good, you know? Despite the downs and the worries, life’s simply beautiful.
It’s an odd feeling when you dig yourself out of a mental slump after remembering that everyone else on earth is struggling too. It’s liberating because it’s a reminder that you’re not alone in this journey.
If someone out there can be happy even while living an imperfect life, so can you and I.
And that’s what gives me strength to keep living as best as I can.
Ah yes, we are all so human which means we have complexities. We all have good, bad, and very ugly. I strive to keep those in a ratio I can live with. More good, less dark. Somedays this is easier than others.
It’s always in flux! Two weeks ago was pretty bad for me but things are good again. Bad’s coming up again eventually, but I’ve gotta enjoy what I’ve got right now while I still can.
Vincent:
I am 50 years young, and I still feel like an impostor some times. I try to live my life by the three A’s of “affection”, “attention”, and “appreciation”, and try to remember the POET approach to gratitude (be grateful for People, Opportunities, Experiences and Things, in that order).
I have recently (in the big scheme of things) discovered that I am the one writing my story. I hold the pen, I control what I do, and I am responsible for ME. And my happiness. I am learning to embrace the heart-wrenching, soul-devastating pain of life, because it allows me to fully experience the frickin’ awesome joy and wonder and *wow*’s of the world to a much greater depth than just skating through life. Your words (young as you are) resonate with me.
When I get down, or insecure, or feel a tad bit alone, I remember that we are all on this chuck of rock, orbiting the same star, and that is the first commonality we ALL have, so we are not alone. Ever. (unless we choose to be).
Thanks for the post.
Remember that you hold the pen, you dictate your own story, you are the main character in your life. Thanks for being a part of mine.
Thanks for sharing the POET approach! Never heard that before and that definitely sounds like the right order. After reading your comment I sat down to be thankful for all my friends and family, the opportunities that have presented themselves, the experiences I was fortunate enough to go through, and my Mac Air I’m using to reply right now.
Thanks, Lei!
Lei your comments really resonate.
Vincent thank you for your thoughts and openess.
I’ve resonated with Lei’s comments as well. Loved the POET approach to gratitude. Hell, might have to steal that idea for a future article. 😉
I haven’t been treating myself well recently. It gets hard because I feel like no one understands or cares. I feel like an alien who crash landed on earth without a guidebook and I just have to go through life on my own. But I’m sure there are other “aliens” there. Maybe we all are and we’re just supposed to figure out who came from our planet.
I don’t know. But thanks Vincent for being so real. You’re really an interesting and inspiring person.
You are right, Ciara! So right that here’s another alien trying to figure out 🙂
Like Helen, here’s another alien checking in!
Thank you for the gentle reminder that I am not alone. I am slowly learning to share what I am doing, thinking and feeling and like you are very selective on what I share and with whom. Quite the emotional yoyo at the moment although most people would not know because I hide it really well. I always have a smile on my dial regardless of what is happening internally. I love that you share honestly, maybe some of that will rub off on me.
Have confidants in your life. We all need to get things off our chest, both good and bad. You don’t have to share with everyone you meet but having a few can be life-changing. They’ll be able to give you new perspectives and conclusions you wouldn’t have had on your own.
It is very true we are not alone ,we have family .our partner , kids and all humanity is connected in one way or other . You are very young to write this kind of articles . But wisdom do come in our lives at young age and it becomes really powerful tool to follow
in later life . thanks for sharing . Have great day ! Wish someone told us in young age or we had resources to find right path though it comes on its own with passage of time .
Thanks, Shashi. 🙂
This really resonates with me; I felt the exact same way back when I was writing at my own blog. Like, who am I to “preach” all this when I don’t even walk the talk! But the truth is that I’ve actually become a better person ever since I started writing.
I’ve leveraged on this experience and pressure, and I would not have upped my game had I not started the blog. I needed to know that I’m constantly getting better at life myself and striving to improve and become a better person, or I would totally feel like a fraud. Even if people don’t know me and what I do in real life, I take that very seriously; because it’s really how I feel about myself.
The journey has been awesome, and I’m glad for it! And of course, I know that we aren’t alone and that we aren’t perfect flawless human beings.
Just like you, writing has personally helped me improve as well! I always say I write for myself just as much, if not more, than the person reading it. Not to say it doesn’t help the latter but it’s therapeutic and helps me solve my own problems.
Have you read The Charisma Myth? One of the concepts (of many) was to think that you’re not alone going through difficulties.
Yes I have! It’s on my nightstand in Arizona. I think I finished it in 2-3 days? Will have to take another read through the exercises.
Great book for anyone who hasn’t checked it out yet:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Charisma-Myth-Personal-Magnetism/dp/1591844568 (non-affiliate link)
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1591844568/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1591844568&linkCode=as2&tag=selfstai-20&linkId=GOIQLIOA4JAOF6TL (affiliate link, if you’d like to help me earn a buck if you decide to purchase)
This is probably the most vulnerable and cathartic post I’ve read from you, but I like it.
I feel like a “fraud” sometimes too… I try to give everyone advice about being happy and productive, for example, but sometimes get caught in depressive states or messing around on Youtube.
In the past few months there have been two times (once when I decided to go full force in to my blog and self-publishing, and the other just on a bad week) where I couldn’t stop being angry or sad. I tried my mental tricks, was productive… NOTHING worked.
And my friend looked at me both times and said.. “Hey man, it’s OK to be sad. Just know you’ll be happy again some day, it’s all good”. And like magic, the bad feelings went away especially when I realized how much good stuff is in my life and that it was allright to not feel like I was ON FIRE all the time.
I’m really bad at accepting negative emotions (as most of us are), but fundamental principles of Buddhism teach us that all things arise to pass away. So we shouldn’t cling to happiness (it’s going to pass) or be averse to being sad (it’ll go away too). Usually we all just want the good without the bad, but that doesn’t work… unfortunately.
And yeah…. when you talk to someone who is empathetic and says that “I’ve been there too”, it helps. So does getting out of your head by doing something fun or sweating.
But you definitely aren’t alone in those cycles, we’ve all got those ups and downs… Just as long as we’re mostly heading up, and keep the awareness that life is pretty great and full of possibilities :).
Stay good, Vince.
That is awesome! Love it when someone else steps into our lives and drops one single sentence that immediately changes us.
Two things I always ask myself:
“Is this worth worrying about right now or at all?”
“Remember all the times when things just work themselves out in the end?”
Both powerful questions that either help me snap back to reality or give me the peace of mind that all will be well.
Yeah I got big in to the “will this matter in 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years” question. Usually, I find most things are silly or not big at all… so I try to drop them ASAP!
“I fear the questions they will ask and I know I can’t be straightforward in my answers because they’d never understand.”
Vincent, I understand this so well, that I wanted to tell you: you’re right, we’re not alone. 🙂
Yes! Glad you relate. 🙂
Hi Vincent,
I woke up this morning with a really ugh feeling- and panicked about the state of my life and my future. Your post stood out in my mail- and I’m glad I read it. I had tried an hour of trying to move the thoughts away-so the sentence you wrote about- letting the thoughts be background noise- just don’t let them control you- seems pretty smart to me at the moment. Thanks- this was a great read, and what I needed!
Glad it connected! Exactly my intention, hehe. Hope you’re panicking less or not at all now. Let me know if you need anything.
This post really hits home for me today…thank you Vincent.
You’re welcome, Stan. 🙂