Photo obviously taken by an amateur “phonetographer.”
I’m such a little princess. I’ve only been “living on my own” for a bit over three weeks and I’m already writing an article about it. Sheeeeeesh!
Does this even qualify as living on my own if I have a maid that cooks and shops for me six days a week? Plus, I live in a two-bedroom condo with one other person, so I don’t suppose I’m actually on my own.
Whatever, the case still stands. I’m officially out of the nest and no longer live with my boss. I’ve been living with my boss and his girlfriend since November and I actually miss living there.
Their place was comfortable, in an upscale neighborhood, and we had a lot of fun together. Haven’t heard his spontaneous singing of What Does the Fox Say in a while. Being up-to-date with the chismes/gossip was a big benefit as well!
There were a few downsides to living with my boss though.
One, it’s a little weird living with your boss no matter how well you get along. Although I don’t have any set work hours and I have a lot of freedom, I always felt guilty when I went out because I wonder if he was judging me. I know he never was, but I couldn’t shake the feeling sometimes.
Two, I suppose living in a non-familial owned house for five months is longer than what most people would be comfortable with. It’s nice to not feel like a burden on his resources and whatnot. Plus, him and the lady need some alone time, sans 19-year old.
The biggest upside to living in my own condo is the fact that I get to walk around topless again! My roommate’s cool with it so when it gets too hot the shirt comes off. Once that happens my boxer shorts are the final resistance between the world and my inner thighs. Wait, I suppose that’s the case when my shirt is on too…
I’m trying to think of more upsides and honestly, I thought it would be more exciting than this. It always felt like moving on my own would be a pivotal moment of some sort, but it’s relatively anticlimactic.
It just occurred to me I’ve accumulated a lot more possessions since November. I came out here with one duffle bag and when it came for my second move I needed a few more bags to carry everything. Then I bought a brand new backpack so I’ve got even more stuff since my most recent relocation.
Anyway, you can argue I’ve been living on my own since moving to the Philippines but eh, I don’t really see it that way. I still had people taking care of everything for me. Now I’m thinking of bills and what to buy at the supermarket. Some delicious adult responsibilities right here. I’m even keeping track of receipts!
Having more alone time has given me a lot of time to think and there have been worries floating around my head that weren’t there before. Definitely not financially motivated or occupational stress but more related to personal development. Still sorting through my thoughts and slowly picking up my daily journal routine to relax myself. None of it is article-worthy as of yet though.
That’s basically all I have to say about my experiences so far. Maybe I’ll have an update once more time passes on. I’ll either end up really loving it or absolutely hating it and wishing I lived with the bossman again!
I know I’m still a young’un so I want to know about your first experiences leaving the nest.
For you, was it difficult or was it actually a moment of relief to be able to have a place to call yours?
I’d love to hear your stories about living on your own in the comments below!
You might think being able to walk around topless is cool, but when you’re truly living alone, you walk around bottomless too!
That, and the ability to sleep all night without fear of being woken up by drunken idiots are two of the best things that going solo can provide.
Suddenly topless doesn’t feel as grand in comparison anymore. 🙁
I loved my experience living alone, I did it at 22 and you’re 19 so that’s awesome! I tried keeping receipts initially, and it only lasted for 2 months so I don’t think that went well for me. Haha. Best thing about living alone is coming home after a long day and have no care in the world about who’s there, what I do and where I sleep. Epic.
Enjoy Vincent! 🙂
Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be keeping them forever. I thought my company would need them to reimburse but I just write things down in a spreadsheet now.
Hah! I don’t have that joy quite yet. I still have to be courteous of my condo-mate. 🙂
I couldn’t envisage not living alone. Well now it’s been a bit difficult since I’m married 😀
But I’ve always enjoyed my space, and there’s a lot of routine in my day (wake time, sleep time, pre-bed time, nap time, work time, social time). I always find it hard to handle my routines when I live with others. I value my independence enormously (and I usually value when my partners do the same), and it has always been like this. I think it’s even healthier than always having to be with others. But also I’m a strong introvert, that might explain!
A lot of people tell me I’d be bored if I lived by myself. I don’t know, man… I really don’t think so. If I’m bored or whatever then I can just get out of the house and go do something! It’s not like I’m going to be clawing at the door like a dog just waiting to be taken out. It’s that freedom I crave. If I want silence and peace then I can chill at home. Want to do something? Open the door, wave down a taxi, and boom.
Absolutely! Those comments usually come from extroverts, or people that need to be pulled out. If I’m alone at home and it’s raining, I read a book, or watch a documentary (Africa recently, very good) or a movie. If I choose what I do consciously, how could I be bored? Ha!
That’s a real advantage of S.E. Asia. The cabs are so cheap.
Careful who you invite to stay awhile. They might be hard to get rid of. Especially with any emotional attachment. And you do want your privacy!
Don’t worry, there’s only one person I regularly bring over. Monogamy and all that. 😛
Plus, I live in a gated community so I think the guards would do well by keeping any unwanted visitors out!
Would be interesting to see how you will cope the next few months! I expect more blog updates on your new solo life. 😀
Haha I hope I’m not merely coping in a few months!
First time away from home was at a fraternity at college with 85 other guys. After 7 years of college (my mom thought I was becoming a permanent student), I got a job in a tiny town (3,400 people) in Illinois and I finally had my own apartment.
I came and went without having to be polite (you know… asking if a roommate needed anything from the store or if he wanted to go to the movie).
But the best thing, after about a year, was that I realized that I was happy with myself and that I could, indeed, entertain myself without a TV. And being TV-less, it forced me to get out in the evenings and watch the people in that tiny town. I made a few friends. That was cool. It gave me confidence.
Since then, I have lived in 8 different states… with and without roommates… and developed some close friendships along the way. I feel that it is easier to make friends during the times I have lived alone.
I see what you mean by that last sentence. I agree, being on your own is just so freeing and I too feel socializing is a lot easier when I’m with no one I know. Part of me fears judgment from my friends and family so I restrain myself a bit more around certain people. No one I know? Heeeere comes Vincent!
Hey Vincent,
Cool to hear that your charisma post is doing well!
Hey Ludvig! I solved the mystery. Here’s the post that has been driving the traffic: https://www.themuse.com/advice/9-habits-of-exceptionally-charismatic-people
It was a big relief leaving my mom (not being yelled at to do chores), but hard to do food on my own(cook and shop and budget and time management…still kind of struggle with those and it’s my main job now sahm) and not feeling accountable to anyone was great and bad because I kind of got lazy? Loved the college years though. Too much fun (and I didn’t even party: lds) * love your stuff vincent thanks for your wisdom! 🙂
Ah, I definitely don’t miss being yelled at by family members all the time. Older Vietnamese people are… Vocal.
This might sound terrible to say but that’s one of my favorite parts about being so far away from home. They can’t yell at me. Heh.
Leaving home at 17 to study half way across the country in Sydney Australia was the loneliest period of my life. I lived with the homeowner, a 40 something extreme introvert with an odd uneasiness about everything.
I went to a large uni in the Sydney cbd in engineering and making friends was hard. Not only was I in an unsociable household but I was also painfully shy and often awkward around others. Sydney is a big place and people know so many others already, I became lost in it all. Despite leaving home and being surrounded by like-minded people at uni I still felt like an outsider. Days would go by where the only things I’d say were “one travel 10 to the cbd please” and “thanks”.
My first year away was miserable. I had all the freedom in the world finally, but no confidence to take advantage of it and i habitually withdrew to online games. To make friends was my only wish.
And that’s when I read your article on charisma. It must have been nearly a year ago now!
Along with a lot of other research i began to see the importance of social skills for gaining confidence and the joy in making others happy to be around you. I’m 21 now but for the past few years I haven’t been alone in the world. I still game in moderation and occasionally am withdrawn to read but online guidance yours helped me find my new favorite passion… other people! Thanks Vince for your work!
Stories like this are EXACTLY why I write. You know, it gets hard sometimes to keep writing every Monday, but I love hearing from people like you.
You’re right, it has been almost a year since the charisma article and I’m glad it hit a chord with you.
Your new passion is awesome and you should stick with it. People are amazing. I hope you’re in a good place in your life now. 🙂
Hey Vincent,
Just wanted to say that I, like many, probably, came from The Daily Muse 🙂
Haha, welcome Varia! I’ve gotten a few other emails as well letting me know where they came from. So strange how Google Analytics isn’t tagging The Muse as a referral source!
My first time living alone was a couple years after college when I moved away for grad school. It was great to have a place of my own but I was quite lonely at first. When the loneliness passed it was nothing but a great experience. It taught me to appreciate being alone, but, most importantly, to be independent. I’m not living alone anymore and sometimes I kind of miss it. 🙂
Sounds like you need a Walden sort of moment and go build yourself a cabin. 🙂
(Am I remembering it right? Is that what Thoreau did?)
Yep you’ve got it right. That sounds like a good idea actually. 🙂
Haha, I don’t have any experience living alone yet and will probably not experience it at any time in the future. I have a wild imagination when I’m alone inside a building.
Dude, now I HAVE to ask. What sort of things go through your head when you’re alone? May be asking for something I don’t even know I don’t want here hah.
I attended high school 40 miles from my home town so I wasn’t living with my parents since I was 14 years old.
In high school and on the 1st year at university I lived with someone else – households and dormitories.
At the age of 21 I started my family.
Does it mean I have NEVER lived on my own?
Hahah I guess so! You’ll never know the pleasures of having a place all to your own. 😉
Kidding, of course. I definitely count having housemates as living on your own.
One of my favorite topics 😉 I felt my parents nest when i was 15-16 and left my home country when i turned 18 and havent looked back since!
The key things I’ve found with living either alone or with friends are (Unless you are next door to your parents!):
1. The things you used to do as it was “expected” like your neighbors 40th birthday party, all sorts of odd family gatherings etc is now less mandatory = you can show up for the one’s that you really want to show up for.
This really helps on time management and just the feeling of freedom similar to what you mention. Number 1 for me no doubt!
2. You grow with responsibility, wherever it’s bills, getting a water leak fixed, cooking or looking after your money, it helps! The sooner you do it the sooner you learn 😉
3. You can choose to spend your time and invite over the people that you really want to spend time with – sure you can have friends over in your parents house, but the feeling of sitting with a couple of people you know in an otherwise empty flat, planning for your next business break through or “mastermining” your personal development plans or the likes is just amazing!
Kind Regards
Mads
Responsibilities and freedom woo! I spent this morning looking at different places to move into and calling agents to schedule check-ins. I feel so grown up. 😛