There is a lot of nonsense thrown around when it comes to achieving success. It’s very difficult to distinguish from what’s true or false, especially if it’s something we’re raised from childhood to believe.
You really have to begin to question the validity of these claims. If you find yourself repeating a “fact” and you have no answer when asked why that is, you need to re-evaluate your views. You will also find that you make a lot of enemies if you open your mouth to speak about the issues, but hey, that just comes with the expanded knowledge.
First, let’s define success because obviously it is different for everyone. Although this isn’t my personal definition of success – mine being about passion – many dictionaries cite success as “the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like.”
Many people do think of success as being about money and status, so I will address success as if that was the only definition, for the sake of this article.
Here are 6 outrageous lies you probably have been raised to believe about success (money, honor, etc.)
1. College is the ONLY path to achieving success
“Without college, you’re going to wind up on the streets homeless and begging for money!”
Here is what we’ve all been raised to believe from childhood. The golden formula to success works like this: you go to a good school, you get a degree, you’ll get a good job, and you’ll make tons of money (notice the rhyme.)
Being raised in a traditional Asian family, you can bet that I heard this A LOT as I was growing up. I still hear it all the time.
Here’s the thing, college is not the only way, it’s not a guarantee, and some may even argue that none of us should go! James Altucher is an interesting figure on this subject.
Although I agree with a lot of what he says, I would add that it is a decision that people need to think about a lot more. Certain jobs definitely do need a degree (surgeons, doctors, etc.,) but people are fixated on the idea that everyone needs a degree to make money.
What’s more realistic is that college is more of a gamble where you can either get a degree to make enough money and pay down your college debt, or you end up with tons of debt without a full-time job to help pay it down. It isn’t a universal answer that guarantees the former.
2. You need goals and a BIG picture
“If you don’t know what your goals are you’re going to end up nowhere. You’re going to be wandering forever and you won’t achieve success.”
Right?
Wrong.
Leo from Zen Habits had an interesting idea called No Goal. I didn’t start using this term until I came across Leo’s article, but I sure as hell have been living through this concept for a lifetime.
The issue I have with goals is that they’re just so limiting. Set goals force you on a narrow path where there is one objective and only certain steps you can take.
I was telling a friend about this idea and I gave him an example using a fictitious entrepreneur. I think the story went pretty well considering the fact that I told it on the fly and made the details up as I went along.
It basically went along like this:
Imagine I am an Entrepreneur who needs to raise $35,000 by the end of this year.
So now I start brainstorming. Okay, so how am I going to make this $35,000 by the end of this year? Brainstorm. Brainstorm.
I’ll get on Kickstarter, pitch my idea. I’ll crowdfund. Maybe I’ll call in several favors. I’ll do a bit more freelance here and there. If I do X amount of freelance work in the next few days I should be on track.
Let’s see… If I do all this then I’ll make $_____ a week. Okay, I’m on mark. I’m making $3,000 a month so I should be good.
Then I stop. Why keep going? I’m already on the right path and if I keep up the momentum I’ll hit my projected goal of $35,000 in 12 months.
That’s where you screw up if you think like this. Your actions were too driven by this one, focused goal. All you have to do is raise that amount and you’re done. You calculated how much work you’d have to put in. You calculated when you can stop.
Instead of working with that passion and going far beyond, you feel satisfied with the progress and refuse to go any further.
Do you see the issue with that?
What I personally do is write everything I have to do on Evernote and I just do them. I don’t have a big picture in my head and you would think that’s detrimental, but it’s actually the opposite.
I don’t have any limits because of goals. I just go through the motion and the rest falls together. It’s very calculated and smartly done, but I don’t consciously stress over the big picture because I’m too busy doing.
3. It’s all about whom you know
“I can’t be successful, start a business, or __________ because I wasn’t fortunate enough to be born in a family of well-connected individuals.”
Have you ever heard someone talk like that? It sounds so condemning! I’m actually insulted because I wasn’t born into a well-connected family either and it’s like saying I won’t be able to get anywhere because of it!
Nonsense.
Yes, connections are “everything” and networking is infinitely more important now than ever before. Hell yes, I swear and live by connecting with others, but that’s where most people miss the point.
They look at it as if you’re screwed if you weren’t born into connections. You can make these connections. Through conscious effort and a little “social hacking” you can become a well-connected person.
Then you can have your contacts help you on your mission to achieving success, whether that means passion or just wealth.
4. Success will change you
“Oh, I don’t want to be wealthy. Money is going to change me into a greedy/bad person.”
Isn’t it easy to believe that money or success will change you as a person? I can understand how that may be the case for some people, but that’s more a display of their character than a rule.
You know, I think that if I won the lottery then I wouldn’t tell a single soul. Not my family, not my closest friend, not even my trusty journal. Okay, I lied. I would tell my journal. But that is only because others may treat you differently.
Here’s the thing. If you’re the type of person that even considers the possibility of becoming changed because of wealth then you most likely have nothing to be worried about. Just the acknowledgement of that possibility shows a lot about your character.
Many people are on a bloodthirsty hunt for wealth and to them, money is life. Those people change. That doesn’t mean the green will make you any different.
Be responsible and be conscious of the power that success can bring. If you do that, I guarantee you won’t forget how to be yourself.
5. If you want it bad enough, success will come
“You just have to want it bad enough. The rest will come later.”
I’m sorry, I really am. People who know me can personally assure you that I’m a very optimistic person, but I have to say wishing hard won’t guarantee you anything.
I actually wouldn’t even just label myself as an optimist. Nah, that term is too overused and it has a slightly negative connotation. You can call me… Call me a calculative optimist.
Look, you do have to possess that fiery passion and desire, but it’s not enough to just want it. You actually need talent, a hint of luck, and that passion burning inside of you to propel you towards achieving success. There are tons of other factors but the unfortunate truth is that having only heart won’t bring you to riches.
You know what you can do? Aim for as high as you can, but be realistic. Maybe you won’t be making $50,000 a day doing what you love, but you should still strive for happiness by doing what you love anyway.
My goal and idea of success is to live my entire life making money doing things I love, doing things that don’t feel like work. I don’t strive to be a billionaire and I’ll be happy with money that will keep me alive and comfortable enough.
Redefine success and you can find it anywhere. If you think of success through traditional lens then I’m sorry, but only the desire won’t get you there 100% either. You still need the rest of the equation (luck is one of them) to get to money.
6. Success will make you happier
“All I need is some more money and I’ll be happy forever.”
Without a doubt, people living in extreme poverty would be much better off with more money. There are the basic essentials that need to be met for them.
However, a lot of people living in first-world countries are still stuck in the mindset that they need more and more money. More money = more happiness.
I’ve talked before about how money only makes you happier for a short period of time before returning you back to normal. You are only going to adapt to that level of comfort and you’re going to want more and more.
The way you combat that insatiability is by eradicating your desires through wanting what you already have and by redefining success. Make achieving success more than about making money and receiving admiration from others. View success as doing what you love doing, regardless of wealth.
Question: What else would you add to this list? Do you disagree with any of my points? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
Image credit: Tracy Olson
Lots of truth there, my friend. I think your definition of success is similar to mine. I just don’t see material wealth as an indicator of success beyond how we use it.
To me, success is the mindset. It’s doing the right things for the right reasons.
But as far as the “traditional” definition goes, I think you’re right. Each and every one of the points you listed is a lie. Or, more accurately, a myth. While they may be true in regards to some, they are not mandatory for all.
The truly driven will always find a way, no matter the obstacles they might face.
Cheers!
Yup, each of them have a slight truth, but these 6 points are often held up as absolute. That is the perspective that I have trouble with and hope that this leads to more open-mindedness instead of automatically accepting what’s been told.
I agree with points #4-6, but I don’t really agree or disagree with points #1-3. I think your first three points are really dependent on the person, their personality, and the type or career and success they are going after. It’s very subjective rather than black and white. Good post. I do lie the idea of “no goal,” but I like to go opposite of a lot of productivity, success, and marketing trends, not just to be a rebel, but because I often think some of theses trends are not the most practical and sometimes even ethical.
Then we are on the same boat, Dan!
As I was telling Trevor, my issue is with the idea that these things are held as absolute in many people’s minds. These things are all very subjective, but more often than not they are all repeated as 100% fact that applies to 100% of individuals.
That’s the problem. I’m sure there’s someone out there where college is absolutely defining for them, as are goals, money = happiness, and wishful thinking which will eventually lead to this hypothetical person’s success. Too bad they’re not universal. 🙂
It’s funny when they say Success comes through hard work when in actuality, it doesn’t.
It comes from ‘smart work’, which basically means following a well defined course that is guaranteed to lead you to your destination.
Hard work is simply not enough, the things you listed pretty much sums it up. In addition to finding happiness from it, it rarely ever comes if you’re attaining success for the wrong reasons. It needs to be a lifestyle choice, which is something you enjoy anyway and not for ‘finding happiness’.
A lot of the happiest people I know all have that characteristic and is rarely ever because of the external result, be it money or anything else.
And making it a lifestyle choice is the challenge. Money can serve as a motivator, but it doesn’t always lead to happiness or even success at all. It’s a good way to live a life of disappointment though and that’s not what we want.
Interesting and thought-provoking post. I would agree with most of what you say here, but I like what Dan wrote above about points 1-3 being dependent on the person. If I live life without goals and the big picture, I am extremely unfocused.
Let’s take an author for example. He has a huge, giant goal to write a book and sell a gazillion copies. If he never created the enormous goal, he probably wouldn’t have written the book in the first place, and he certainly would not have made millions in book sales.
Is it limiting yourself if you make your goal so large that you wonder how in the world you are going to accomplish it? It stretches me to move beyond what’s comfortable into unknown territory and go for it.
Refer to my reply to Trevor and Dan above. 🙂
The key to goals is having flexible goals that don’t limit you to a set amount of actions you can take. For the author striving for success, he can do a numerous amount of things. Have the goal of being an amazing writer who is working towards writing a book and have him actually do it.
So many people get stuck at defining a goal that limits them and says who they want to be then they’re too afraid to color out of the lines. Tell yourself you want to write a great book and work through it smartly. Don’t tell yourself you’re going to write a book but you HAVE to do steps 1 – 22.
Live dangerously, do it smartly, and don’t rely on things you consider safe. You’ll never end up with an original thought if you work through formulas that your goal forces upon you.
I agree with you that there are no absolutes when it comes to the creative process, and I certainly believe that flexibility is a must. Each individual works in ways that will maximize his/her ability to produce creative works. We’re probably arguing semantics here, but simply saying you want to be a great writer to me is an over-arching, big picture goal that defines what you will do with your time moving forward. There are many ways to get there, but you’re defining in advance where you want to go.
Successful entrepreneur and author Dan Miller says this about goals, “Goals are not written in concrete and unchangeable terms but they do give you a starting point and a destination.”
I think we are just arguing semantics. Perhaps I should’ve been more specific about the second point. Set your goals to be flexible and allow them to guide you, but don’t let them define you.
I can’t argue with that. 🙂
Chris, this is why I don’t create financial expectations. My goal is to write stories, songs, poems and posts that will help and entertain others. I’m also trying to increase my circle of influence and hope for the possibility of some financial rewards, but they are not part of my goal in themselves. I write for the love and the sharing.
you must be a rich guy?
Like you, happiness and fulfillment seems to be my measure of success. However, money and wealth are not gathered for their sake alone. Most entrepreneurs that I know (including myself), don’t care about spending a lot of money. We care only about accumulating money as a measuring stick of value.
I live on less than $1k a month including rent even though I own my business. It isn’t about generating money to buy things, it is about value. When you have $X million, you have provided a ton of value to a lot of people.
In the same sense, if you write a book purchased by millions of people, you have provided a similar level of value. There are plenty of people who think that money = success with the wrong mindset, but there is an equitable mindset to yours where money features prominently from a value perspective.
My two cents 🙂
Now that is a great viewpoint, Mans! Providing value for others is a strong motivator because it has that hint of selflessness. Unfortunately, that’s not a view shared by the majority of the population as it is very popular to be driven by the actual dollar amount.
Although I’d be careful with the statement of “When you have $X million, you have provided a ton of value to a lot of people.”, because that can’t always be the case, although I wish it were!
These 6 points are like a rerun of my K-12 experience and perhaps somewhat beyond. And it took a lot of effort and time to debunk each one. Success is almost a word devoid of meaning due to overuse and abuse, like happiness and love.
A fun to read and well-written post, Vincent. Always enjoyable.
It is a pretty arbitrary word isn’t it? With so many different definitions and meanings behind it maybe we should think of a new word.
Redefine success and you can find it anywhere.
I love that line, Vincent. I never really thought money was an indicator of success, but I sure wish I had some of it back that I spent mindlessly! CJ and I are much happier than we were seven or eight years ago, and we are making less money. We decided that fancy things didn’t bring any happiness – and, believe me, they weren’t even that fancy. Just the mindset of having to have “X” (two cars, name-brand clothes and accessories) can lead you down a slippery slope to wanting more and more.
We didn’t know anyone “important” nor did any member of our family go to college (not that you have to, like you mention) before we did, yet we did it. It can be done! Great post, as always!
Glad to see that most of us don’t view money that way! Guess we’re weird since the majority of people in my life do view success as just money, nothing more.
It’s never too late to make any “important” friends!
Thanks, Tammy!
While college is definitely not an indicator of success, I think we all too often only hear the success stories of entrepreneurs… versus the countless others who have not done as well, or been as lucky.
There are more alternatives to college than entrepreneurship, but an article on that would be too extensive and that’s also not a point I wanted to make on this article.
My first point with college is that the preaches of “College is the ONLY” way to success is flat out wrong. A third of graduates are in full-time jobs that didn’t need a college degree. A college degree that they went for because they thought that was the only way to success. A degree that brought them thousands upon thousands of student debt they’ll be paying down for many years down the road. Those are the lucky ones.
The ones who couldn’t find a job (1/10th of the graduates) are now jobless and stuck in debt. They were hoping to get a degree (which they were told is a guarantee of a job) to secure a job that pays down their debt. Those 1/10th of graduates are now jobless, with debt, unsure of what to do with their degree.
There are jobs that definitely do need degrees, yes. But what people need to do is re-evaluate their attitude towards college. Not everyone needs it and to think that it is a universal path and that it is for everyone is dangerous.
This is absolute truth. College is NOT for everyone. It’s NOT the only way. In this day and age, where we can so easily access the knowledge we need to teach ourselves, college is becoming a riskier and riskier gamble.
Yes, a gamble.
You’re borrowing money to invest in an education that will hopefully provide a greater return in the future. But there’s no guarantee. I’ve known enough degree carrying college grads working shitty low-paying jobs to see that the bet doesn’t always pay off. They work alongside non-college educated colleagues who make the same crappy wage, but at least they don’t have all that debt hanging over their heads.
College is only for those who are going to make the most of it. But we’ve got it so ingrained in our heads that it’s the only path. The best path. We’ve attached a moral standard to it. As though kids who choose NOT to go to college are somehow lesser people. Ambitionless. Lazy.
Those who have the drive to succeed will succeed regardless. Whether they go to college or not, they will succeed.
It’s time we stop churning out masses of miserable college educated drones. We only harm future generations by our continued insistence that college is the only way.
Cheers!
Very well said, Trevor. The stigma of the “college dropout” or the ones seeking alternatives needs to be thrown away, but I’m afraid we’re far too deep in the mindset now.
Don’t get me wrong, I am greatly enjoying college. Too bad it’s all for the wrong reasons (socializing.) I’m not learning anything, I’m pretty sure I won’t be learning anything useful that I haven’t already self-taught myself and monetized, and I doubt my degree is going to “give me the upper hand” because I already have a pretty nice resume built up from what I’ve been creating and doing for myself on my own.
In the career that I’m leaning towards, it’s all about experience, actual experience. Not how many years you’ve been in school or what degree you have. The world is changing quickly and people are starting to see more of the value behind real talent and practical knowledge. These are things that can be readily taught to anyone willing to use their computer and apply what they’ve learned.
Great list – and it looks like it has gotten everyone thinking. I’m thinking of doing a post about figuring out if you should go to college. It seems like a hot topic, with a lot of passion around it. I see where you are going with your comments on goals – but goal setting has been a powerful thing in my life. Like Dan and Chris have said, it is probably dependent on the person.
Feel free to include in the arguments (for or against) the things I mentioned in my previous comment to Mike. 🙂
Great stuff as always, Vincent!
1) I can’t agree with this more! I’ve seen friends spend years and years in school ASSUMING that will get them a good job. When that doesn’t happen, they’re stuck. Success doesn’t necessarily require school.
2) Leo’s take on goals is certainly refreshing. I often find myself planning for one thing only to have something else happen (which derails my whole plan). I used to get really upset about such forceful “change of plans”. Now, I just accept it and go with the new adventure.
3) Growing your social network is like planting a garden. You put in a lot of hard work at first for seemingly little return. But if you keep at it, eventually the fruits of your labor will be plentiful. There’s no magic formula to this.
4) Money doesn’t change you. It merely REVEALS who you are and who the people around you really are. I agree with Vincent: success is power so we must wield it carefully.
5) I would also add time to the equation. We all want things to work now, but the truth is success takes time. Even Apple, an “overnight sensation” by today’s standards, took decades to build up to where it is now.
6) I love this last point. More money isn’t the answer. Being happy in life comes down to NOT having what you want, but wanting what you have.
Thanks for expanding on some of these points with your own input. Time is a very important factor and I feel bad that I didn’t make a point #7. “Success comes quick.” Then again, I think most people sort of have the idea that success is a long work-in-progress, so I don’t feel so bad. 🙂
Great article as always Vincent.
I think everyone at some point in their life need to define what success is to them. The large majority of people see it as being rich, having a nice house and car, etc. But is that what they want? Or is it what they want other people to see them with?
I like your sentence about redefining success. It’s an interesting word, that’s for sure. I know I succeed everyday, yet I’m just the same as the next person. Others may feel like they never succeed. I prefer the word ‘progress’, as success can be anything, even less than what you did before.
Thanks!
Good idea. Maybe being more careful about the words we use is wise. Progress is a great word to measure ourselves with. 🙂
Hi Vincent – an interesting, thought-provoking read. To be honest, I don’t believe there’s any set formula that’s ever going to guarantee that you’ll achieve success – there are so many different variables involved, including a bit of luck. I think there’s probably an element of truth in some of the points you’re challenging in this post – for example, having clear goals and objectives may be very motivating and helpful for some people, and having the right contacts can often be advantageous. I don’t think just ‘wishing’ for success will bring it to your door, but self-belief and being able to visualise yourself succeeding can be a powerful factor.
I entirely agree that success won’t necessarily make you happy – but it might enable you to be miserable in comfort without worrying about the bills!
I was making more of a statement towards absolutes. Believe it or not, people often think in absolutes when it comes to success. Of course it varies for everyone and that is exactly the point I’m trying to make.
As for the avatar issue, make sure your Twitter account has your email address filled out that is linked to your Gravatar.
PS Hi again Vincent – I really don’t understand why my avatar won’t show up with my comments – I’m commenting via the Twitter app, which has my picture attached, but it disappears as soon as the comment’s published.
I have nothing more to add neither do I disagree with you on any of those raised but rather offering you a standing ovation will be the right thing to do.
This post is simply a masterpiece.
Thanks, Emmanuel! Very honored. 🙂
Couple of thoughts: Success: the first thing you have to do is define it for yourself. Most people do not, and never will. I mean, put it down on paper.
Success=Work with purpose and passion. Notice the verb work. It is not a wish, a dream ,a fantasy, something you find, think about, conceive, believe etc. I am talking dirty hands, bruised emotions and headaches… WORK!
Success is never final. You date, and find the ONE, and then you get married. Success! But then you have a child. Success..again. Same success, no, but still success. You buy a home. Success! My point, it evolves over time. It changes, as you do. Success is achieving a desired result (most of the time). Work for it.
Success will ALWAYS change you, otherwise why would you want it so badly? The change can be for the better, or the worse, or both. But change it will. Who ever said “I want to be a success so I can always stay the same!”
Thanks for adding a couple of your thoughts, David. You’re right, success is constantly changing. Most things in life are so it’s silly to assume one goal will get you to that feeling of true success.
Hello Vincent,
These are some great thoughts. Though success is “defined” one way, mainly gaining fame or money I see success differently. I think it’s about finding our purpose, growing to our potential, and adding value to other people. I think when a person focuses on those areas the money and fame comes.
I really like point #3 because anyone can become intentional about connecting and networking with other people. It takes work and effort but can be very beneficial for us.
Great post!
Hi Dan!
It is very, very beneficial. You and I wouldn’t know each other if neither of us reached out to the other, right? 🙂
Great Post, Vincent! I’m not sure about your “No Goals” point. I’m going to read the article you linked to and see if I can understand your point of view. Have a fabulous day!
Thanks, Lauren! How did Leo’s article on “No Goals” work out for you? 🙂
A lot of great things to think about, and new ways to think about them. Thank you!
No problem! Thanks for stopping by, Punky. 🙂
Very interesting article, Vincent. Like you, I don’t define success solely based on monetary reward. Passion definitely has to come into play. You gave us a lot of hard truths and while I am a goal-orientated person, I do believe I understand why you’re saying with #2. Some people do get so caught up in their goal and their plan that they can’t see through the forest and see other paths and opportunities. Some days I wish we could retire the word goal as it has so much baggage around it.
Maybe we could retire the word “success” as well. We actually talked about that earlier on in the comments. Who’s in for a movement against both? 🙂
I would change number 3 to “I wasn’t born into the right family”/’I am not well-connected”
Because as you mention in later points it is who you know (and you can connect with people you know but having the confidence and willingness to reach out and ask).
#2 is really important. Most people when they set out to achieve something don’t know what they want or need or even what is realistic. Better to have an idea of where you want to end up but course-correct as you go. Don’t wait for perfect; just MOVE.
Exactly that, Jeff. Thanks for your contribution!
The biggest myth about success is the fact that it happens overnight. Success or anything that matters is going to come after lots of hard work and over a period of time.
An example is the movie montages – change seems to come incredibly fast. Directors do it this way because the change comes to slowly to viewers otherwise.
The main factor that keeps this misconception going is:
Marketers that make their items out to be the be-all-end-all. A popular example is “X item will make you lose THIRTY LBS in THIRTY DAYS.” Basically something that takes out all the effort, gives all the reward, and in a short time span.
Vincent, I have read your post with great interest. I agree with almost all your points as they are very very valid points. However, I want to make a side note that it is the “small picture” that will only stop you from going further. I completely agree with the fact that it takes skills, a little bit of luck and hard work to go where you want to go. Yet, if you “dream small” your achievement will also be small. On the other hand, I believe vision is one of the determining factors which contributes to someones’ success. Having vision to achieve great things is directly correlated with having a “big picture”. But again, this varies from individuals to individuals. This why there are employees, managers, CFOs, CEOs, presidents. It very much has to do with your vision and picture.
Quoting Ayn Rand “Throughout the centuries there were men who took first steps down new roads armed with nothing but their own vision. Their goals differed, but they all had this in common: that the step was first, the road new, the vision unborrowed, and the response they received — hatred. The great creators — the thinkers, the artists, the scientists, the inventors — stood alone against the men of their time. Every great new thought was opposed. Every great new invention was denounced. The first motor was considered foolish. The airplane was considered impossible. The power loom was considered vicious. Anesthesia was considered sinful. But the men of unborrowed vision went ahead. They fought, they suffered and they paid. But they won.”
I don’t think these people dreamed “small”. Besides, one going against all must dream big don’t you think?
I definitely see what you’re saying. Perhaps a better way of restating my position would be “Don’t restrict yourself with inflexible goals.” Great argument that you just made and it does have me rethinking my position a bit. 🙂
I only wish that I would’ve completed college. Unfortunate life changes and financial setbacks cast me away from achieving a good college education. A life stuck in medicore paying jobs that yielded to no future and restricted one’s advancement to better things, left me embittered about myself and life in general.
When you reach middle age and look in the mirror and think “what I could’ve been,” that’s salting many unhealed wounds of my ego.