Archives for March 2013

I used to do everything alone and put on a façade of happiness to keep my family from worrying. The past two years changed that though. Now, I am always going out with happy and uplifting people who help raise me to a level I could not have reached alone.

Despite the fact that I do math at the level of an ADD ravaged toddler, I feel there is in fact an equation to forming meaningful and lasting friendships. Being Social + Giving Value + Understanding Boundaries = great friendships.

Being more social gives more opportunities, giving value is what you can give to others, and understanding boundaries is what keeps a relationship healthy. This step-by-step process will help you make friends and learn how to get a social life that you only dreamed of previously.

Taking the first step in anything is the hardest part of it all, usually. Unless you’re attempting to land a quadruple jump on ice using absolutely excellent form, chances are that just taking the first step and beginning is holding you back. The reason the first step is the hardest is because you need to discipline yourself.
I know a lot of people who lack self-discipline. They say, “Don’t worry, I’ll start working on my (insert task) at 7pm. 8pm rolls by, 9pm, and eventually it is midnight. Soon they realize they’ve failed themselves once again. In fact, one of my closest friends is exactly like this and it cracks me up every time because it is like watching a cartoon rerun.

Chances are that you lack discipline in yourself as well and you constantly lack the self-discipline to begin a less than pleasant task. You know you should start something, you tell yourself you will by a certain point in time, and then you put it off for later.

I’m not going to say I’ve always been self-disciplined, but much like all the skills I’ve acquired over the years, it’s been a work-in-progress and I can now say with confidence that I’m far more disciplined than I was four, five years ago.

Here are some of the things I’ve practiced over recent years to be able to simply tell myself to do something and jump to it right away.

It seems that through every hour of darkness, every moment of utter defeat, and every period of my life where I’ve felt at my lowest, I found solace in walking.

I maintained my sanity through long walks at night to be left alone with my thoughts. It didn’t matter where my destination was or whether or not anyone saw me all alone. “What a loser,” someone must have thought to himself as I walked around the lonely, quiet neighborhood. I can’t blame anyone for thinking that because at the time I sure felt like a loser.

The moment the clock hit 8 p.m., I took off into the night without any explanation to anyone. I dropped what I was doing, headed out the door, and returned an hour after. I always managed to return with a content smile on my face.

Forming the Ritual
Years passed since my last tragedy and I had gotten rid of that nightly ritual. I found myself no longer needing walks to keep my sanity. Why? I realized how great my friends were and began to emotionally invest in the “overpowered” group for support.

Over time, walking just soon became embedded into what we did. Sure, we were too young to drive back then, so we didn’t really have much of a choice, but we loved every minute of it.

A close friend and I spent two hours walking to the mall and while we did it, we just talked about anything that came up no matter how personal and secret it was. Walking taught us to embrace the moments of silence. It taught us to let go of our worries and just focus on the present. These sorts of walks kept us sane and we tried our best to take advantage of walks as much as we could.

Whether you are the richest person on earth or homeless in Seattle, every human being seeks (and deserves) intimacy. However, remember that intimacy is not always sexual.

Bantering with strangers can be a form of intimacy. When you stop at a convenience store along the Interstate to get a coke, the five-second conversation with the cashier can be intimate. I usually see bantering used among adults and the elderly, but about 3 months ago I met a guy at a QuikTrip who had mastered the art of bantering. He was about 22, Hispanic and confident.

As I was paying for my drink, he mentioned that he liked my watch. It was a simple statement, but it led to about 15 seconds of kind words to each other. There is a history to my watch and he was interested in chatting.

Usually, “bantering” is a method to joke with a stranger to bring happiness to their day and it is far removed from flirting. It is an admission between two people that this is a great life and a great planet and I am happy to chat with you.

You have zero hidden agendas in this conversation. That is the secret of a successful banter.

How often do you consciously try to be selfless and focus on someone else’s happiness? It’s difficult to remember that the entire world does not revolve around us and that we need to give and put into the world just as much as we expect to receive. Happiness is the universal currency and you can choose how you spend it.